Tuesday, June 20, 2006

The home stretch

I've rarely been able to identify how good things have truly been during my life, until the moment has passed.

The summer of 1985 — the summer I spent mostly with my first girlfriend, Marie, between my senior year of high school and freshman year of college — was one of those rare times when I did know.

I still remember the notion coming to me one afternoon while I stood near the doorway to Marie's camp on Lake Gaines.

I remember the layout of the room only vaguely now, like you might remember a foggy dream. I recall where I was standing, but not who was with me, what I had been doing immediately before, or where I was headed next and what I'd do there.

But it dawned on me at that moment, naturally, it seemed: This is a really good time. Maybe the best time I've ever had. And it might be some time before things get this good again.

More than 20 years later, I can say that I was right. On all counts.

With the posting of this, the 25th entry to my actual 1985 diary, there are now only three entries left, before my urge to document my life in writing petered out several weeks into my arrival at college in September '85.

This is the home stretch.

Monday, July 22, 1985
5:53-6:38 Pm

But first, an appendix update: A-61 rejection slip from a theater, for "Skies Above"; A-62 card from a contest I entered it in; A-63, a letter from Aaron; A-64 a letter from Joy.

Well, it's been over a week now, and instead of trying to put it off any longer, and possibly forgetting it, I thought I'd write now.

The most recent and relevant thing I can remember is going over to Gaines early Tuesday morning, since I had it off. I got up around 6:00 Am and got ready and then left; no foolin' around. I got there about 8:00 Am. I stayed the night, and had to leave the next day around 5:00 Pm, since I had to work that day at 7:00 Pm. That night was a Moonlight Madnesss sale at P&C, and it was HELL!! The place was packed and just so incredibly busy, I couldn't believe it. About a million big-wig managers from other P&C stores were there, and I hated it. But I lived until midnight, when the sale ended and I left.

We did the usual stuff at camp. This time when it came time to go to bed, around 11:30 Pm or so, Marie crawled into my bed for a while before she left to go up to her bed. Well, we've done what we've been doing for a long time now, but for some reason or another, this time seemed even closer. I mean, we never have gone all of the way, but we've gotten pretty close. This time seemed even closer, because we had about 1 1/2 pairs of underwear separating us.

When it was over I told Marie that I didn't think we could go on just inching closer and closer to what we both wanted to do, and that I thought it would be safer just to go ahead and do it, taking the necessary precautions, than it would be doing what we're doing now. Then I asked for her comments on the matter, and she said that she'd give them to me before I left the next day.

So when it came time for me to leave I asked her what she thought, and she said that she would like to, but couldn't. She said that she couldn't because she didn't think it was fair to me, because that she didn't want me to feel hitched it her for the rest of my life, and that she knew that I would be meeting a lot of other girls at Middletown.

I can't really describe how I felt. I guess I felt a bit rejected, a little relieved, and a little disappointed. I could understand if she just didn't want to do it, but I wish she would have just told me the truth why; it seems like the reason she gave me is phony.

Although I'm a little ashamed to admit it, I guess one of the things that made me finally confront Marie with the sitaution was Aaron, of all people. I mean, I've been thinking about getting the necessary apparatus (I love using official jargon to side-step difficult words!) to make going all the way possible, but I've always put it off.

I guess two weekends ago I got together this Aaron, Paul and Benji and we all went to see a movie: "Mad Max: Beyond the Thunderdome." Aaron took a girl from school and Benji took Liza Polanski. Afterwards we went to ABEP, for once in a long, long time. I had forgotten how fun it was just to go out with the guys and Bozo around. I had a ball.

Well, anyways, to get to the point. After a while, only Paul, Aaron and me were left at ABEP. Somehow we got into a conversation about live at Camp Daley, Aaron is being a counselor at the camp for the summer. He casually mentioned that he "didn't know about that yet," when the subject of some girl came up. Eventually I figured out the story. It seems that after hours one night at camp, Aaron and some others got a bit hammered. Aaron went off into the woods with a girl, and when they left the woods, neither of them were virgins. Get the picture? The way him and Paul talked about it so casually I thought for sure they were putting me on. I mean, Aaron's only been dating girls this school year, and to think that that would have happened seemed very unbelievable.

Eventually they convinced me that they weren't putting me on, and I guess that now I believe it. I also found out that Paul had done it, too, but for some reason, after hearing about Aaron, that didn't shock me so much. But to think that Aaron went ahead and did it without taking any precautions, I couldn't believe it.

Well, after that I kind of drove home in a daze. But I think that learning about that, kind of boosted my courage. It kind of made me think, "Gee, if Aaron can do it out of the heat of passion, while he's bombed, to a girl he hardly knew, while not taking any precautions, and risking a pregnancy, what would be wrong with two people who are in love doing it while taking all of the precautions and totally sober?" I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but that's the kind of view I sort of took.

Well, enough of that for now. I'm glad that tonight I have the time to write a little bit about my feelings, instead of just catching you up on what has happened.

This Friday I went down to pick up a roll of film, and Benji went along with me. Then we went to P&C to get a look at my schedule, and then we went to Sky Gate and played some video games. I broke my high score in Galaga by an amazing amount: it is now 238,290. I got to two new challenging stages that I had never seen before. Benji was there, and by chance Aaron walked in. A Bozo reunion!! We all went over to Zayres and Bozoed around, and then we drove over to the cremmee stand in Maynard, all of us in Aaron's car playing the tape deck real loud and screaming out of the windows. It was a lot of fun. Like I mentioned earlier, I had forgotten how much fun Bozoing is.

Anyway, Aaron told us about rookie night at Camp Daley. All of the new counselors have to put on a cabaret-night sort of act. So Aaron is going to have me and Benji drive over and we're going to do our Dirt Bag routine. Dirt Bag got a gig!! It's going to be a blast!! We're going to do the same thing that we did for the Jefferson talent show auditions, but we're going to add a bit more talk in the beginning. I'm really looking forward to it. That's Thursday night.

Saturday I worked until 3:00 Pm, and then drove over to Marie's camp. We did the usual hack, and it was fun. Did some more tubing, which was a blast.

I left Sunday night around 9:00 Pm, because I had to work early the next day. This whole week I'm working in the frozen food section. Compared to bagging, it's really nice. I have to get all of the frozen food out of the back room and into the aisle, and spread it around to the spot where the individual boxes go. Then I count them to make sure I've got it all, and check it with the invoice. Then I stock the shelfs and price all of the items I put up. Then I clean up all of the boxes, and usually work on the ice cream until it's time for me to leave. It's a little more responsibility than bagging, but it's so nice to be out of the hustle and bustle of the front end.

Some time last week Danny Silver showed me how to do it. I really hate him. He was a senior at school when I was a freshman, and I liked him okay back then. Now he's been at P&C for five years now, and he's managament. He's a real dick when it comes to working with him.

But today I did the frozen food by myself, and the rest of the week that's the way it is. The only thing I don't like is the early morning. I love to leave the store around 11:00 Am or noon and know that I've got the rest of the day to myself. But when I start work at about 7:00 Am, that means I have to get up at 5:30 Am. Once this week I work at 6:00 Am, which means I have to get up at 4:30 Am. What a drag!

Well, Dirt Bag on Thursday night; I can't wait! I think Friday after work I'm driving out to Gravely again. I get out on Friday at noon, and I have Saturday off, and I'm hoping I'll have Sunday off too, but I won't know until I see next week's schedule. If I do, I'll stay out for that time, which would be real nice. If not, I'll at least have nearly all of Friday and all of Saturday, which is as good as I got this week.

Well, guess that's about it. Will, right (duh, write, that is) next time it comes convenient. Tonight I was hoping on flying, but it's windier than all hell. Guess it'll have to wait until some other time. Later.


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