Monday, December 26, 2005

Windsor knots along the Blue Danube

Even though Aaron, Benji, myself and the rest were, by just about any standard, a bunch of dorks in high school, we actually managed to spark a fashion trend in Jefferson in the mid-'80s: the thin tie.

It might have started when we dressed a la the Blues Bros. for a performance of "Soul Man" at one of our Jazz Band concerts, and then spilled over into every day attire. I honestly can't remember.

But shortly after we started sporting ties routinely during school hours, the idea caught on, and kids from all cliques soon joined in. Maybe the trend was inevitable and me and my friends just happened to be the first on our block. Who knows?

I still have all my thin ties from the '80s (above) in a big bag in my closet. You can see the white leather one I mention in this, the 7th entry to my 1985 diary, in the left-hand side of the photo.

Monday, Feb. 18, 1985
10:30-11:27 a.m.

Vacation has arrived! Actually, it kind of snuck-up on me this time, like it has the last few times. I've just had so many things to think about, that waiting for vacation took a back seat.

Well, I did that roll of film for Libby. From messing up when loading the film onto the reel, I lost five exposures or thereabouts right off. The rest of them looked pretty dark, and had little contrast. But I don't think that was my fault, because some of them looked fine, the ones taken close-up. I think that the photographer's flash wasn't strong enough. Since I developed the roll, Aaron took the negs and made some prints. It was his opinion that it wasn't my fault, too.

Last Sunday, I believe, Marie came over for the afternoon. We went down to the darkroom and made Libby's proofs, and after that we went X-country skiing. She stayed for supper, and at about 6:20 Pm I brought her home, and then to go to her religion class.

Friday was the one-act auditions. All week I had received pressure from Libby and Sam to try-out. Actually I think it was Tuesday or Wednesday that I told Libby I was thinking of not trying-out. She guessed the reason: Marie. She was really let down, and mad at me, and said she thought it was a "stupid reason." For most of the week, my decision changed often. For a while I'd think I would try-out, and then I'd change my mind. It went back and forth. Finally, Thursday evening, I believe, I made-up my mind that I wouldn't. Friday 8th period I met with Libby to talk things over. I stated my reasoning, and she said she could partly understand that, but had thought that the reason I wanted to do the one-act in the first place was because I was interested in acting, not because I wanted to have a good time with my friends. Well, she was partly right, too, but a big part of me wanting to do it was to have a good time with my friends.

Well, by the end of our talk she had pretty much changed my mind, although I didn't let her know that. She said a lot of things. Among them, she said that she really chose this play for me, and without me in the role, she wasn't sure if she wanted to put it on at all, and might call it off.

After I left the meeting, and left the influence of Libby, I changed my mind back, and I ended-up not trying-out. All along Marie told me she wanted me to, but I think that probably was for show. Anyway, after I got home, Marie called me to tell me that Libby had already made her decision. Nicole Sullivan and Donny Steinman got the parts, two freshmen. It really doesn't bother me at all, to think that somebody else got the parts. Becasue without Marie in it I really couldn't care less. The only thing that worries me is the fact that our school might be made a fool of at the competition. Nicole's OK, and might be able to play the part. Donny I haven't seen much of, although he did have a part in "The Ledge, The Ledger and The Legend," my "impromptu" play in the summer drama workshop. He wasn't very good. It's just that our school is hosting the competition this year, and to have a play that isn't well done would be real humiliating. I mean, this play is solely dependent on the players. There's nothing but the ability of the actors to pull it off. There's no fancy set, costumes, props, or special effects. Just the actors' ability to convince the audience. Quite frankly I don't think either of the people given the parts are good enough to do that. I guess we'll see. By the way, when Aaron found out that I wasn't trying out he decided he would. He didn't get the part, but said it didn't bother him.

Monday Aaron, Benji and I tried out for the school talent show. Monday afterschool we had a musical read-through. After that Marie's mom brought both of us to her house, where we had supper. Then she brought us to school around 6:00 Pm for auditions. Marie's in a "rock group" with some kids from school; she plays her synthesizer. They tried-out and made it, too. But Aaron, Benji and myself had a beauty of an act to enter. We had never really practiced, and did it just as a gag, really, and never really intended on making it in. (Not to say that we did.) Benji played Marie's synthesizer, I played my hands (making little fart-like noises) and Aaron burped. We did our rendition of one of the Strauss waltzes. We filled out an audition form in true Bozonian spirit, and performed the act in front of the rest of the auditioners, just like every other act. WHAT A GAG! We got a lot of laughs. We were the really only comedy act, and we thought because of that we might actually make it. Well, they announced the winners that evening, and Dirt Bag (our group name) wasn't on the winners' list. Bummer.

For the half an hour or so that the judges were making their decisions, the auditioners were left in the aud. A sort of big party broke out, with anyone who wanted to jumping up on stage and doing something. The rock bands started jamming, and the singers started singing, and the breakers starting breakin'. Marie took off, and made her rounds, so to speak. I just sat there and watched her flirt around with the rest of the guys, and really got pissed off. I mean, Marie always flirts around with other guys, and I just take it. But this time I was really sick of it, and I let her know it. When she finally came back over to me I gave her the cold shoulder, and I knew she knew why, although she pretended not to. A-16 and A-17 are notes referring to that incident. The second one is a reply to one I wrote to her.

Benji drove us home that night, Marie and myself. But first we went to ABEP. Then we went over to the P&C parking lot to do spins in the lot. Well, we went over to a far parking lot, to find out that it wasn't plowed. It was on a hill, and on the way up Benji got stuck. Marie and myself got out and pushed. After getting him unstuck, and him getting stuck about four times, he finally got out. What a hosehead. Actually it was sort of fun, except I was worried we were going to have to call a wrecker, BILL'S WRECKER!

When we got to Marie's I helped bring in her equipment. When we got inside the door she told me not to be angry, please not to be angry. I didn't let her feel any better, and just said good-bye. When I got home that night I wrote a letter to her. The rest of the night I felt pretty bad about giving her the cold shoulder, even though I felt she deserved it. Now things are back to ordinary. Sometime after the incident she and I talked the whole thing over, I mean her habit of flirting with other guys, how I felt about it, and what should be done about it. The talk was good, and I think we did some good communicating.

Sometime this past week Tom asked Marie to tell me to stop by the 8th grade class 4th period. I did, and they gave me a thank you card signed by the whole class, which had in it, get this, $30. I was so shocked. I'm sure it must have shown. I just couldn't believe they'd do something like that. I said thanks, and soon it was time for the class to go. A-18 is the card.

Thursday was Valentine's Day and our Pops Concert. I had gotten Marie her valentine the weekend before, but Thursday afterschool I went and got her a box of candies and three carnations. Then I went to school and picked her up, and then went to her house, where we gave each other our gifts, and had supper, before leaving for the concert. She gave a sort of joke valentine to me in school, but gave me a serious one later at her house. A-19 and A-20 are them. I think you'll be able to tell the joke from the actual. Her present to me was a white leather tie. I like it a lot.

The concert went okay, and, in fact, Mr. B thought it went really well and seemed really pleased. Our last playing test in band was a disaster, and he let us have the option of cancelling the playing test grade and counting the concert grade as double. We took the option, and now I'm REAL glad we did. I did terrible on the playing test.

Friday there was a B-ball game, and then a dance. Benji and I both drove our own cars, but went there together. We got there about half of the way through the JV game. I sat through the first of the V game with Benji, Larry, Judy and Jon, and then left to find Marie. I did without much trouble, and also found Aaron. He said my parents were outside looking at my car, because they had found a pool of liquid under where the car had been parked. So Marie and myself walked out, and saw the truck pulling away. We went to the car to see if there was a note but there wasn't. Then we sat down in the car to heat-up because neither of us had our jackets on. Well, we started to do what two people in our position normally do. Then Marie said, "Start the car! Start the car!" and started to grab for the keys herself. I started the car, as I saw a policeman walking around the back of the car. She said that he had come right up to my side of the car and looked in, but I hadn't seen him because my face was toward hers. So we drove away, and turned around and came back a bit later. We went back into the game, and had a good time screaming at the top of our lungs. We lost by about three points. Then we went to the dance, which turned out to be real boring. There was a live band, which wasn't too good. We stayed for a while and then Marie and myself left at about 9:45 Pm. I brought her home, and stayed there until 12:30 Am. We watched TV upstairs and had popcorn.

Well, now I've gotten to probably, no absolutely definately, the most important part of this entry. But I've been writing for some time now, and I've gotten tired and not as precise. Since I want to give this last bit the last bit of detail I can, I'm going to put-off writing about it until another time.

Today Mom, Dad, Anne, Marie and myself are going to Dawson. We have to bring Anne back from her three-day weekend, and then we're going shopping around Dawson. After that we might go to the Mexican restaurant. Anyway, I'll definitely write again before the end of vacation. Probably pretty soon. So, until then ...

Monday, December 19, 2005

Sextimus the Silent speaks out

mattress auditions
I don't remember feeling so conflicted over the casting of "Once Upon a Mattress" my senior year at Jefferson, as this, the 6th entry to my '85 diary, shows.

The photo (right) was taken during one of the audition sessions mentioned in this entry. It's probably from the roll of film that I developed in my home darkroom for our drama coach, Libby. From the left, that's Aaron, me, Marie and Paul. The other two guys I recognize, but don't recall.

Coincidentally, ABC aired a new TV version of "Mattress" just last night — with Carol Burnett playing the queen. (It was Marie's role of Winnifred that jump-started Burnett's career in the '50s.)

Friday, Feb. 8, 1985
7:42-8:27 p.m.

Well, so many things have happened this past week, I thought I'd write some before the end of the weekend.

Monday my eighth grade play went on, but it seems like centuries ago. Marie played the part of the person who wasn't there, and all went smoothly, although I don't think the audience enjoyed it as much as our first. Still it went okay, and I was pleased.

The end of the school day Monday I was informed that another person wasn't going to be able to make it. So it looked as if I'd have to play the part. I was frantic, and pretty much learned the lines after school, around try-out auditions. (But more on those later.)

I brought Marie to my house after after-school, to have supper. We did, and worked on my lines, and then went to her house to get her costume, and then went back to school. Then at school I was informed that the person, a girl in fact, was going to make it. It was a relief and a let-down at the same time.

Anyway, things went okay, and after the play, I collected the props I had brought in, and I brought Marie home, and stayed a while there, until 9:30 Pm.

Musical auditions went practically all this week. Monday and Tuesday we had "rehearsals" for the auditions, with auditions on Thursday and Wednesday. I had made it clear to Sam before that I didn't intend to sing, but just try-out for the part of the king, King Sextimus the Silent, to be exact.

Well, rehearsals went okay. We broke into three groups that rotated between the three workshops of dancing, singing and acting. Whenever my group went to singing, I went to another group to do extra work there.

Benji was there the first day, but didn't come back the second. I guess the embarrassment was too much for him. I resisted the urge to walk-out of the dancing workshop, which has been my downfall in the past.

Wednesday was the first day of try-outs. However, I didn't get to go up. Instead I sat in the audience, sweating it out. Marie's mom gave me a ride home after school that day.

Thursday I had a dentist appointment (no cavities) and I was late to try-outs by about 20 minutes, but I had told Sam before hand.

Finally, after sitting there for about another hour or so, I got called-up to go up and do my prerehearsed dancing routine on stage, with about five other girls. I did it, and felt good afterwards, because everyone else in the audience really gave me a lot of support after I did it, and while I was doing it. I guess I surprised a lot of people by going through it so well. (relatively well) Then I did some reading scenes, in fact just one scene repeated over for about four times, to get some other girls to read the part opposite of me. I did a good job there, too, and felt good.

Afterwards, Sam had the likely Kings get up and each to a pantomime. Mine was first, and I did making chocolate brownies. It was easy, and went well.

Well, that was all there really was to try-outs. I was extremely nervous before them, but I kept it up, and pulled through, and felt SO relieved afterwards.

Well, I wish I felt so good now. The cast list went up this morning, and now things are a little hard to deal with. First of all, I got the part, the only part, I was trying out for, the part of the King. Little surprise, big deal, ho-hum. Marie got the female lead, also the lead of the play. Paul Pringles also got a large part.

Now that Marie's got the lead, she can't try-out for the one-act, something which we didn't know before. In fact, Libby had said people can be in both. Paul's infantile brain grew to 20 times its normal size since the news, and I doubt I'll ever stop hearing about how large and wonderful his part is, and how small and boring mine is.

So now I'm stuck with a part in the musical which never really thrilled me, a part which only does about one-minute of acting with Marie's part. Furthermore, she can't try-out for the one-act, so the desire to be in that myself has gone down to practially zero. So, where's the beef? There isn't any.

One thing that bothered me about trying out for the musical was this. Before I've always lucked-out in plays and gotten to do a lot of acting with Marie, except in "Hocus Pocus." Well, I knew sometime or another my luck would run out. It just did. Like I said, I only have one tiny scene with her, along with a bunch of other people. Besides that, since every show has a romance plot, Marie will be playing against Jon Giffin, who got the male lead. I know it's just a play, but it's hard to take all the same.

Frankly, having Marie get the lead, and me get a small part, has been hard to take in itself. It's just sort of degrading to take a small part, and watch someone else take the spot light. I guess it's a sort of jealousy. Having Paul thinking he's God's gift to the stage is also real hard to swallow. I forgot to mention that Aaron got a fairly small part. Not a chorus part, but a very minor one.

Then of course there's the one-act. First of all, I'm still not sure if I want to do it or not. I mean, when I thought of doing a lot of Saturday rehearsals, and stuff with Marie as a co-star, the thought was most appealing. But now the thought of taking all of that time with someone else, and depriving it of time with Marie, is almost unthinkable. From the first step I let Libby think I was going to try-out for the one-act, because I intended on it. In fact, just a couple of days ago she asked me again if I was sure I wanted to do the play. I said yes. Well, like I said, now the desire is about zero. How do I tell Libby, without making myself look like a selfish bastard who always intended on doing the one-act with Marie? The truth is, I can't.

I don't know, the whole thing has just deflated me like a pin does a balloon. My semi-dislike of my part, the jealousy of Marie, not being on stage with Marie in the musical, eating Paul's shit, wondering about the one-act, it's all just too much.

Bill came back Monday. The first day he was pretty quiet, but he's getting back to his old self. Now he acts a bit more normal, or maybe I'm just adjusting to his new self. His parents decided he couldn't try-out for either the musical or the one-act, and his lawyer did, too. So he didn't. I guess his trial is set for June, and according to his lawyer, he'll probably get four years max, although I'm not supposed to know that.

He's called me up a couple of times at night, and pretty much given me the depression bit. It's really boring, and I'm sick of it. I've got enough to worry about and get depressed about without his help. One night he told me that he was going to kill himself because he couldn't be in the shows. Well, I think he said it jokingly, but when a person's in that situation, you get worried.

I forgot to mention that Marie had wanted the part of the Queen, partly because it was a good part, and also because we'd be Queen and King, which would be fun. Well, a girl named Lannie Hendrix got it. She's an exchange student from Denmark, who's staying with a family who lives right across from Marie's house. She's in my home room, but I never have gotten to know her. I probably will now. I also forgot to mention, that there are about two characters that I do nearly all of my acting with. One thing that makes me not like my part so much is the fact that neither of them I know that well. Well, one of them's Paul, who I guess I do know well, but just don't like to act with, and one's Jenny Merrick, another person from my home room who I've never really got to know.

Well, I don't have all that much homework this weekend. I've got a roll of B&W film that I have to make proof sheets from. A person took 36 exposures during auditions, and Libby gave me the film to do. First she went to Aaron, like she always does, but I knew Aaron was going to have a busy weekend, so I offered to do it. I only have to do the negatives, and then the proofs, but I'm really worried that I'll mess-up. It's been a long time since I've done it, and I'd just die if I screwed the roll, or part of it. I'm going to be MOST careful. I've got to get the chemicals tomorrow.

Tomorrow I'm going over to Marie's in the evening, to "watch videos", please note the quotes. I've going over at about 6:00 Pm. Tonight she has an away game, and all tomorrow afternoon she has band rehearsal, since her band is entering in the talent show.

Well, guess that's it for now. I planned on probably writing again before the weekend, but assuming that tomorrow night is just the usual hack, maybe I won't. I guess we'll have to see. Until then ...

P.S. Appendix check. A-8's a letter from Bill, A-9 a letter from Marie A-10 a letter from the principal, A-11 a note from Marie taken from the top of a copy of the one-act she made for me, A-12 another note, A-13 a note from Libby, A-14 a copy of the contract we had to sign to accept our roles in the musical, and A-15 a copy of the cast list, minus the chorus, I copied down this morning. That's all.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Bought a piston engine

I feel like I need to explain my desire, mentioned in this, the 5th entry to my 1985 diary, to play a woman's role on stage.

Far from any fetishistic desire, it was simply a wish to follow in the English comedic tradition of Monty Python and the like.


Sunday, Feb. 3, 1985
8:09-8:45 p.m.

Forgive me if this entry is kind of shallow and disorganized, but I'm going to try to write it fast; I've had a busy weekend.

Well, let's see. I did type that paper for Aaron, and got my $10, which was most needed and appreciated.

Tuesday we had a tech rehearsal for my 8th grade one-act. It went okay, but nothing too exciting. Wednesday night I went to school in the evening to watch the first set of one-acts performed. I picked Marie up at about 5:45 Pm, and we both went there. We watched the first two plays, while sitting with Paul and Aaron. Then Marie and myself left, and I brought her home. I came in, and stayed 'till about 10:00 Pm. (And yet another example of living dangerously was pulled-off.)

Thursday morning my 8th grade play went on. We got out of 3rd period to get into make-up and costume, and went on 4th period. Things were a little crazy, but not too bad. Then I went up to the lighting booth to watch. It went so great I couldn't believe it. Sure, it wasn't perfect, but it was damn good, and the audience seemed to love it, too. The kids really felt great afterwards, too. I was pretty happy.

Thursday night we were supposed to go on, but the roads were bad, so they postponed it 'till Monday night. I was really let down. Just that everybody was feeling so good about it, and then it got postponed. It really kind of ruined the momentum.

As it turns out, Monday we'll be missing one character. When I first heard about it, I thought Marie could play it. Then I thought about my ambition to play a female part on the stage before I leave Jefferson, and I came to the conclusion that I'd play the part. But as it turned out, Marie's name got mentioned at class Friday, and Tom (the teacher of the class) kind of assumed I had made up my mind on Marie. So it was kind of already too late. I talked with Tom later in the day, and he seemed set on Marie doing the part. At first I was pretty pissed, but I've gotten over that now. I just try not to think about how fun it'd be to play the part myself, and get into make-up and everything tomorrow.

I'm still looking forward to going Monday night, but like I said, the momentum has kind of been broken. Monday we're going to rehearse in class, with Marie. I'm pretty sure she can pull it off.

Tuesday I drove to school, to get some large props to school (eg- a lawn chair). Afterwards I drove Marie home, and stayed 'till about 5:00 Pm. Her mother left, and we were alone. (Yet another example of living dangerously.) Before I left, we were making out in her bedroom, and I felt her over underneath her bra. (That sounds so blunt, doesn't it?)

Mom & Dad left Thursday. They left me $20 if I needed it, and the car full of gas. Friday I went down and got a pepperoni grinder from ABEP for supper. That night Marie had a far away game, and she was going to come-up afterwards, if she could get home early enough. But as it was she didn't. Saturday afternoon she came up, and we watched a movie: "Airplane II," among other things. Then we sent out for a pepperoni & mushroom pizza from ABEP and brought it back here. Then we left to go and see a play in Maynard, but we got there just as it was supposed to start, and there were no seats left. So then we went to Sky Gate (an arcade), and then came back here. Her mother said to be home by midnight, so I got her home by then. (Example number three.)

This afternoon we went downhill skiing at Blackhill, again. Her father got us free passes from the Elk's club. (Don't ask me; it doesn't make any sense to me either.) We made three runs, but it was bitterly cold, and left at about 3:20 pm. We went back to her house, and watched a movie, or part of one, on video tape. Then we had dinner with the rest of the family. It was kind of embarrassing. You see it was her father's birthday. So after dinner, we sang Happy Birthday, and gave him a cake and his presents. I don't feel at all comfortable around him, and going through all of that, I really felt awkward. But I survived. After that, Marie and myself went back downstairs to watch some more of the movie. Then at about 6:50 Pm we left, so I could drop off Marie at religion class, and I came home, and started to write in this diary. Make sense?

Well, I know that my parents wouldn't have wanted me to have Marie over this weekend, so I only have to live through facing my parents tomorrow, and than this weekend'll be a success. Marie didn't tell her parents either, although they didn't ask either. But sometime along her mother figured it out, and asked Marie. She was hip to it, and seemed to think it was funny how we pulled it off without ever really lying. She said she wasn't going to to tell her father. I'm going to try to avoid lying to my parents too, but I'm not sure what I'll say if they stright-out ask me. The only thing I'm worried about, is this. On the way back from getting Marie to bring her over Saturday afternoon, we passed Dr. Carlson on the road. He works with my mother, and took my teeth out. I could swear we looked me in the eye, and I'm sure he recognized the car and me. I hope he doesn't mention that he saw me, with another person in the car. That could really foul things up. Then again, maybe I'm just paranoid, like Marie says.

Well, Bill's getting out. In fact he should be home now.

I guess he was being bailed-out and brought home. He called sometime this past week to tell me. He might be in school tomorrow. He said he was scared and might not do it. I can't say I blame him. It's going to be hard for him, as well as his friends, being back in school. To be honest I'm sort of afraid of his returning. In fact now I'm just sort of afraid of him. It's just that with what he did, and I can't help but be scared for Marie. I have this paranoid schizophrenia about him doing something terrible to her. I mean, he used to like her, and if his mental problem is girl-related, and he knows that Marie and me are getting along great together, maybe he'd think she'd be a good one to hurt. I'm sure this is all just stupid paranoia.

I guess that's about it. Mom and Dad return tomorrow. Tomorrow are the musical auditions, one day of them out of four. It looks as if I'm going to try-out. I'll have to read and dance, but not sing. I'll probably be so nervous I'll puke.

Well, like I said this entry has kind of been quick and shallow, not to mention disjointed, but I think I got the basics down. So until next week ...

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Dry-humping my way to straight A's

This 4th entry to my 1985 diary entry comes off a little like soft-core porn. It's just that being a horny teenager and finally having someone to play with blew my mind.


By the way, the $10 Aaron paid me to type his Physics paper in 1985 would be worth $17.82 in today's dollars.

Sunday, Jan. 27, 1985
11:54 Am-12:45 Pm

This past week seems like it flew by, prooably because we didn't have school Monday.

Thursday my 8th graders go on stage. I'd like to be able to say that I feel confident. There's just soooo much to think about, and soooo much to get polished, that I'm really not that happy about it. Costuming has been a headache, as well as props and not to mention the acting. I think they'll probably be able to pull it off Thursday, but being a perfectionist, it's hard for me to settle for anything less than perfect. It looks like I'll have to. Tuesday we have a tech rehearsal, which will probably be a costume rehearsal, too. I've got so much to worry about for this show, that I think I'm going to lose my mind before long.

We got our report cards Friday. Believe it or not, I got all A's, no A-'s and no A+'s, just straight A's. I'm not complaining. I got A's on all of my midterms except Govern't, which I got a B on. I studied only the night before for an hour or so. I feel really good, becuase I pulled mid-terms off. Like I said before, usually I spend a week before mid-terms studying. Well, this year I only studied a couple of days before, and I still got good grades on all of them. What a feeling. The Physics test I thought I might of failed, it turns out, I got 105% on. He graded them real easy.

I got a letter from the Dramatic Publishing Co. this past week rejecting my play for publication. In fact, A-7 is the letter. At least it was a fairly positive rejection letter. Sam and myself are sending it out to three more publishers soon. Yesterday I got the play itself back in the mail.

I think it was Wednesday night that Benji and myself went to the Bridgton Aud. and saw a B-ball game between Lincoln and Jefferson. We met Larry and Aaron there, and after the JV game, Marie came over and sat with me. We sat on the Lincoln side with the Lincoln pep band. After the game Benji drove me and Marie to ABEP and we met Tara Wilson and Gary Milton there. We had a soda and played some tunes in the jukebox and played some video games. Aaron had to pick-up Paul in Bridgton somewhere, so he didn't go to ABEP. Then Benji drove Marie home. And then we went home.

Friday night I stayed home and did homework and related activities. Marie had an away game to cheer at, and I didn't go, obviously.

Saturday afternoon Marie had a gig to play at with her band. Saturday evening at about 5:30 Pm, I went to her house to have supper and watch a couple of movies. Last night was kind of special, because a couple of things happened that had never happened before.

Well, I guess you know that things have been getting pretty serious with Marie and myself. What we do whenever we get together is, in essence, to have sex without removing our clothes. (What a concept, eh?) Well, up until last night I have never put my hands anywhere I didn't think they ought to go, except for her cute little touche. Actually, I guess it sort of happened the night we went to the B-ball game, too. On the way home, she had her pom-poms in her lap, and they covered her entire lap, and part of mine, too. I did have my hand on hers, but them she pressed it up against her thigh. Somehow it found its way to her crotch, and I started to rub it back and forth. I could tell she wanted me to do it, because she had her hand on top of mine, guiding it.

Well, last night the same thing happened, only a little more serious. We were downstairs watching a movie, with her sitting in front of me, and my arms wrapped around her. Well, when I put my arms around her, my hands came to rest sort of close to her crotch. She put her hands on mine, and moved them down, so they were on her crotch. I started to rub it back and forth, and she seemed to like it. She started to kiss me wildly, and when I went to readjust my left hand on her abdomen, she took her hand and sort of guided it to her breast, and I started to massage that, too. (Remind me to put this journal in a real secretive place, would you?)

Well, that was before supper, if I remember correctly. So later we had supper, and after that we retired to the downstairs again and continued the movie. In the course of the evening we did what we usually do, but we also felt each other over. At one point I put my hand under her shirt and massaged her breasts. At another she guided my hand under her pants down quite far.

We watched "Romancing the Stone," "The Last Starfighter," and "Moscow on the Hudson." Actually, I don't remember much from the last one.

I don't think I mentioned this before, but a couple of weeks ago when I was at Marie's house, we had done what we do, and I was wearing light colored pants and liquids being as they are, my pants soaked through. It was terribly embarrassing, so I tried not to let Marie see. The next week I explained to her, in a letter, that I was acting strange that night because of a personal and embarrassing reason. I told her if she wanted to really know I probably could tell her. Well, she never mentioned it, so I assume she had noticed and just decided not to say anything. Well, last night the same thing happened, but this time I just let her know. From her reaction, it seemed like she had known about the last time, too. And you know something? I wasn't embarrassed. That's what is so special about being with her. I can be myself, and I don't feel ashamed. A year ago if I had thought that I would be so close with a girl, as to not feel embarrassed feeling her over and her feeling me over, I would have dropped dead. I guess I kind of realized this last night. There I was being very sexual with another person, and it felt so natural and right. Like when we usually get together, we told each other that we loved each other.

Thursday Mom and Dad are leaving for Atlantic City for the weekend, and leaving me home alone with the car. (From one fantasy to another, eh?) That means most of Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday alone. I can't wait. I'm looking forward to being able to drive myself to the 8th grade one-act that night and hopefully taking Marie out next weekend, and coming home to an empty house. I remember last time it gave me a feeling of independence that I liked. Saturday morning we have a senior band play-a-thon. The playing is kind of boring, but being with the guys and especially Marie, will be great. Next weekend there's a play being put on in Maynard. It sounds good, and my old elementary school art teacher is in it. I'm going to see if Marie wants to go and see it with me, and hopefully my parents won't make me stay home the weekend because they're not home. I don't think they will be that absurd.

Today Aaron's supposed to bring me up a paper he wants me to type. My finances ran out a couple of weeks ago, and yesterday he offered me $10 to type the remainder of his Physics term paper: about four pages, according to him. I kind of feel funny taking $10 just for that, especially from Aaron. I mean, a lot of times he'll stick a quarter in the video game and play me, because I don't have the money, or he'll buy me a Dew when I'm broke. I feel like I owe him a couple of favors. On the other hand, I NEED MONEY. I think my need for money will overcome my compassion for a friend. I'm planning on that $10 to take Marie either to that play or to a movie next weekend. I think I might get some from my parents, too, for taking care of the house and cats while they're gone. I can use everything I can get.

I really don't have any homework left. I should practice though, because we have a playing test coming up. Since I lost my retainers, my tone has been horrible. I lost them first when Marie and me went downhill skiing. But then I found my top one in the car. Then I lost the top one the week of exams. Now my playing is absolutely horrible, since the shape of my mouth has been changed. I'm seriously worried that I'm going to drop quite a few chairs in the trombone section.

Guess that's it for now. Aaron was just up, and he gave me the paper. It doesn't look like all that much to do. So, until next weekend (when I have the house to myself) ...

Tuesday, December 06, 2005


vw rabbit
The car I drove when I was a senior in high school, a VW Rabbit from the mid-'80s, has been the most reliable winter weather vehicle I've known to date.

That's me in the photo, standing next to it in Marie's driveway. If memory serves — and it doesn't always, as revisiting this diary 20 years later has proved to me — Marie snatched my camera away from me when I was on my way outside to head home, and snapped that photo herself.

The jacket I'm wearing, by the way, is the one I let her wear on our long walk home, detailed in the "Moxie for Moxie and the long walk home" entry.

The wintery early morning drive home from Marie's that I mention in this 3rd entry to my 1985 diary, is one I still recall. As I write below, the snow was coming down fast enough so visibility was nill, and there was a considerable amount of snow on the road. Driving from one rural New England locale to another across snow-covered roads that hadn't been traveled on, much less plowed, I held my breath for most of the trip.

And when the Rabbit got me home without a single hitch, I was amazed. And relieved.

Monday, Jan. 21, 1985
1:38-3:00 p.m.

Well, the long weekend has arrived, and is almost over, in fact. It's been nice to have three days without homework. But more about this past week and the weekend, after a couple of things I feel I should mention about this journal.

First of all, the title: "A Year of Living Dangerously." I chose it because it seemed so appropiate for the way I seem to be living at the present time. I mean with Marie and all. Fooling around with her in her downstairs, while her parents are upstairs; coming home at all hours of the morning, and wondering when my parents are going to bring down the hammer; washing my own underwear periodically, because of the blood stains from pushing so hard up against Marie, etc., etc. It just seems that I've been living so much "faster" than I ever have before, and I guess that's the reason for the title.

Secondly, instead of putting extra things, such as letter and programs and whathaveyou, right into this journal, I'm going to keep all of them in the back, in a sort of appendix. They are number A-#, and when I put something new in, I'll refer you to their number. In fact, I've already put a couple of things in. A-1 is a letter from Julie, I received somewhere around Jan 4th. A-2 is a letter/note that Marie either gave me in school, or left in the locker for me. That was written the day after we went back to school, after vacation and after Bill did his dirty deed. A-3 is a letter/note from Marie written sometime this past week, I believe. A-4 is another letter/note from you-know-who. Finally, A-5 is a poem I wrote for Marie, probably last week sometime.

Exams are done with, and I did pretty good in most of them. Some of them I practically only studied the night before for them. I've always started to study for exams usually a week or so ahead of time. But this year it's been harder to concentrate on studying, with so much more to do, mainly with Marie.

Anyway, like I said, they all went well, except for Physics. It was one experiment that he showed us in the lab, and then we had to tell him everything about it, using everything we have learned so far. It was DAMN hard. I think I'll be lucky to get a C.

This past week I saw Marie more in school than I usually do. That's because everybody has the same time for lunch, and about a half of an hour for a break inbetween the first two exams. I usually spent that time with her.

Well, we finally decided on a one-act for the Proscenium Competition. Since I had taken on the job of making sure we got a play entered in the contest, I've read about 30 plays. Libby had read about 50 from her estimates. But we didn't really find one that flicked either of our switches, so to speak. Well, Libby had had this one-act script that she had ordered to consider for the summer drama workshop last summer. But I guess Sam didn't like it, so they didn't do it. Libby is absolutely in love with the play, and would have chose it for Proscenium in a second, if it wasn't for the fact that it had a cast of only two.

Well, sometime earlier this year Libby gave it to me to read, basically just because it was a good play, and she wanted to see what I thought of it. I read it and really liked it. Then a couple of weeks ago I got it to Marie to read, to see what she thought. Marie's taken an active interest in getting a one-act for the contest, too. She really loved it, too.

Well, we had taken a vote at the last Drama Club meeting, and it looked as if seven or so people planned to try-out for this one-act. It's going to be limited just to the club. We had been looking at casts of about six or so. From looking at the people, a lot of them weren't experienced actors.

Quite frankly, with Bill gone, I've got practically no competition for the one-act. I'm quite sure that I'll get the lead. Besides that, Libby is directing, and somehow I've gotten on her good side, and although I hate the terminology, I'm her pet. With all of this going for me, I'm not worried about not getting the part I want. Marie has a little more competition, but Libby likes her, too, and since she's taken such an interest in the one-act, I'm absolutely sure she'll get a part, too.

Well, Marie and me talked over the pros of putting on this play, and came up with quite a list. And with Libby so up on this play, all that she needed was a little encouragement to get her to choose it for the contest. Well, a certain freshman girl and senior guy gave her the encouragement, and now we've got our entry all set.

The play's called "Where Have All the Lightning Bugs Gone?," and it has a cast of one boy and one girl. It's a real sweet play about a boy and girl who meet in the park, and fall in love. They assume different characters during the play, while they're just fooling around. From reading the description of the characters in the front of the script, it's almost scary. The two people sound exactly like myself and Marie. Like I said, it's a real sweet play, and is going to be a real acting stretch for myself, and I'm sure Marie, too.

It must sound disgusting, how I talk as if we've already got the parts, but from really looking at the situation, I practically do.

What I'm worried about is how the other people are going to take our decision. I mean, it's like I was put in charge of choosing a play, so I pick a play that think it's safe to say that we already myself and my girlfriend can be in, and the rest of them can go to hell. I'm sure that's what it's going to look like. And with Libby favoring me so much, I'm sure that some people are really going to hate me for it. Probably Marie, too.

But, I weighed the pros and cons, and the pros won. It's not like we're just going to be given the parts. We're still going to hold try-outs. And I figure that this play shouldn't be some machine to give inexperienced people experience. I figure that's what fall plays, 8th grade plays, and musicals, along with summer drama workshops are for. I feel like this play should represent the best of what our school has to offer. Maybe this is all just a rationalization, I don't know. What I do know is that "Lightning Bugs" is a great contest play, and by far the best script I've read for that purpose. It'd be foolish to ignore it becuase of the cast requirements.

Sam and Libby have been trying to get me to try-out for the musical. Sam's directing it, and it's going to be" Once Upon a Matress," a farce on the princess and the pea. The show has seven male leads, but now with Bill and Bryan Paul not trying out, Sam's in deep trouble: How to fill the roles? He understands that I won't sing in front of people, but he wants me to take a part of King Sextmus the Silent. As you might deduce, the part doesn't sing, because he can't even talk. Instead, he pantomimes his entire part, until the very end, when he regains his voice. I've sort of got Sam's word that I wouldn't have to sing at the auditions, but I'm still not clear about the dancing.

He gave me the script to read over the weekend, and I'm not terribly impressed but I guess it could be fun. I'd really like to try-out, but singing would definately be too much to do. Since I wouldn't have to do that, I might try-out. I might be able to live with dancing at try-outs. Before I make my final decision, I'm going to get the word from Sam specifially what I'll have to do.

Marie is still undecided if she'll try-out. She wants to, and says she will if I do, but she's a little afraid to sing, too. I'd really like to take the part, but we'll have to see.

It seems so strange. I mean I've practically been giving the part already; all I have to do is say yes to it. I still have to try-out.

It'd really be hard for me to have Marie in the musical without me, or both of us in it, but in roles that didn't act together. I feel I've lucked-out in the past few plays. I mean in the summer workshop and in "Relative Values," I was the main male person she acted with, and I liked that. I just feel that my luck can't last forever, and in the musical things will be different.

Friday night I stayed home. I thought about going to the B-ball game with Aaron, and later seeing Marie, but I didn't. Then at about 7:30 Pm she called from the school and told me to come on over to be with her. But Dad had come home and was pissed about how much the car cost to have something done to it, so I would have felt funny leaving with the car. I told her that and she understood.

Saturday night I went over to her house and we watched a couple of videos. Her mother had got "Trading Places" and "Delirious" (an Eddie Murphy double-feature!). We watched them downstairs, and I left about 12:55 Pm. My mother had asked when I was going to be home, and I didn't know what to say, so I asked what time they wanted me home, and I got a loose curfew set at 1:00 Am. It was snowing hard, and when I left, the roads were TERRIBLE. I thought I wasn't going to make it. It was snowing so hard I could barely see, and there was about a half of foot of snow on the road. I was pretty relieved when I got home.

Sunday she came up here for the afternoon, and we went X-country skiing. After that we went to my room and listened to music, among other things. (Remember what I said about living dangerously? Well ...) She stayed for supper and somewhere around 8:30 Pm we went out to the living room to watch T.V. We ended up watching MTV. Mom and Dad went to bed early. We lived dangerously for a bit, and I brought her home around 10:50 Pm.

Right now I've got a cold, which I think I contracted a couple of nights ago from Marie. It's a doozy. Yesterday Aaron called to see if I wanted to go skiing with him and the rest of the guys. Since Marie was coming up here, I had to refuse and say maybe tomorrow. Today I have to stay home all afternoon, because the T.V. repair men are coming to fix our slightly broken T.V. So when he called again today I had to tell him that. I kind of felt bad, because I haven't been doing much with the guys lately.

Saturday afternoon I went up to see Bill, along with his father. He drove us there. Bill looked the same as always, and acted pretty much the same, too. He had called this past Thursday, and said they were looking for a foster home for him to go to. He said an institution was out of the question, because of the money. Now he said his parents didn't want him back at their house for a variety of reasons, so they were looking for a foster home so he could come back to school. Quite honestly, I'd feel awkward having him back at school. I mean how can I treat him the same after what he's done? And the psychiatrist said he needs help. But once they see help is inconvenient, they just let him loose and forget anything happened? It bothers me. He would still have to face his trial, however. Marie had band practice Saturday afternoon, which is why she didn't go, too. She has it today, too. She plays her synthesizer in a band with some kids from school. They have a couple of gigs coming-up soon. To be honest, I don't like her in the band. It's just that it comes inbetween us, and the band is all guys, except for her. And you know how she likes to flirt.

I cracked during my 8th grade rehearsal last week. They were doing so bad, I just cracked. The next day I brought Sam in to work with them, and we got a lot done. It's just that they don't really respect my authority, and it really bothers me. With Sam there, however, things get done. It's getting real close. They go on Jan 31st. Tomorrow we have an afterschool rehearsal, in which we'll probably get a lot done. I think they'll pull it off, but myself being a perfectionist, it's hard to settle for anything but the best.

Guess I'll go now. I've got a couple of things that I'll probably do this afternoon, but none of them are too strenuous, and I've got the rest of the day, so it'll probably be relaxed. I think we get our report cards next Friday, or I should say this Friday. Then I'll see how I did on my exams. So until next weekend, this is Cameron Frye ... Good day!

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Dance lacks interest

costume ball
The picture (right) the photographer snapped of Marie, Benji and I — and some other random kids at the costume ball — was published in the school paper next to a "story" headlined "Dance lacks interest."

I guess when you've committed to publishing a weekly school paper, you've got to find your news where you can find it.

That's Marie, Benji and myself in the back row — second, third and fourth from the left, respectively.

Some other characters mentioned in previous entries to Real '80s Diary are in that photo as well: That's Alison Smithers from "Relative Values" on the left; and Jerry Danforth, my perceived competition for Julie, standing next to her.

Apologies for the poor quality of the photo. Remember that desktop publishing was in its infancy in the mid-'80s. Our school paper was typed — likely on an IBM Selectric — manually pasted-up and photocopied. By the time it was in the hands of readers, it was at least a second- or third-generation copy.

Quark Xpress and laser printers were a long ways away.

Sunday, Jan. 13, 1985
12:12-12:39 p.m.

Get ready for what I'm hoping will be a quick, to-the-point entry. It's just that mid-terms start Wednesday, and I haven't started to study yet, and I'm hoping to this afternoon.

I did go to Marie's last Saturday afternoon. We hung around doing the normal hack from what I can remember, and then we had supper, got into costume and went to the dance. When we got there, it seemed there weren't many cars. So we drove down to her father's store and called Aaron and Benji, but they weren't home. So we went back up, and went in. Quite a few people were there. Marie wore her horseback riding outfit, and I wore what I described last week. Getting from the car to the school, I FROZE.

Anyway, it was held in the cafeteria, and the music was pretty good. Marie made me promise to dance all of the slow dances with her, and I did. While we were there, a school paper photographer took a bunch of people's picture, including Marie, myself and Benji. It went in this past week's paper.

After the dance, I brought Marie home and stayed there until after Saturday Nite Live, if I remember correctly.

Not much word about Bill. I've heard from him about every day (God save our phone bill), but mainly just to talk. It appears his diagnosis came back that he does have some sort of problem, and needs help. Now they're looking for a place to put him. They're thinking of some place in Bronson, but it's $350 a day. They're also considering some place out of state. It looks like he might be staying right where he is for a while. Last night Marie told me a strange thing. She said, "Don't ask how I know, but I know that Bill's going to be locked up for at least another 4 1/2 years, and is going to get some help, but not all he needs. He also won't graduate with you guys, but will six months later." I honored her request, and didn't question her, but it seems foolish to me to think that she could know all of that for fact.

I'm really beginning to hate my 8th grade one-act. It's just that some of the kids are so uncooperative, that it's a real pain. Also, all of the headaches about costumes and stuff are a real pain, too. I'll be glad when it's all over, and I get my 4th period free again. The show is at the end of January.

This week went by without any real events. One day I stayed after with Marie, but we just sort of hung around. Another day she took the body powder I gave her to put on her Gund, and poured it all over my head, and surrounding areas. It was at the end of school, and she was attempting to mess-up my hair. I was fighting her off, and accidentally knocked the books out of her hands. I kept on walking. When she got to our locker, she took the 35mm film container of powder I left in the locker for her, and poured it over me. Don't get the wrong idea. It wasn't that she was really mad, it was all done in good jest. Even I started to laugh. I went home on the bus smelling real pretty, and looking sort of pale.

Friday night Benji, Aaron and myself went to the B-ball game. We brought our instruments, and planned on playing at the game. We stayed downstairs for part of the JV game and decided that we didn't really want to do it. So we went up and watched half of the JV game, and then we left after that, out to the lobby. Somewhere we met Marie, and since she was finished cheering, she left with us to go to ABEP. We went there, and didn't go in because of the crowd, then went to Timothy's, but soon left to Sky Gate, an arcade. After a while there, we broke-up, that is the gang broke up to go home, not Marie and me, and I brought Marie home. I stayed there until about 11:45 Pm, and then left.

Last afternoon I worked on the yearbook entry. You know, senior will, quote, etc., etc. Then I went and picked-up Marie at about 6:20 Pm, and we went to the movies. We wanted to see "Johnny Dangerously," but it had been moved, so we saw "Protocol." It was quite good. After that we went back to her house, and I stayed until 11:50 Pm, or so. I guess I just decided that I wasn't going to get away with staying at her house until all hours of the morning forever, so I've started to inflict some self-discipline on myself.

Sometime the past week, I borrowed some albums from Aaron and made myself some copies. I got "Remain in Light" and "Stop Making Sense" by the Talking Heads, and "Chicago 17" by Chicago (of course).

This past week Sam also sent my play to three more publishers. Since Dramatic hasn't replied, he figured we might as well try some other places.

Well, I could write about some more, such as the musical, and more about how things are going with Marie and myself, but I think I'll wait until next weekend, when I have a three-day weekend, and mid-terms will be over, so I probably won't have any homework.

Bill doesn't pass "Go," doesn't collect $200

My 1985 diary starts on an entirely different note than my previous journal, thanks to Bill's run-in with the law on Dec. 30, 1984. It was an ordeal that occupied the first few months of '85, and made me seriously question my relationship with Bill.

Though my first entry to my '85 diary shows I thought Marie's Mom's interest in his case was commendable, with some distance it now seems a little daft. How well did she really know Bill, after all? What made her instantly determine that jail wasn't the right place for someone who had done what he did? Talk of paying his bail and taking custody of him — though it never happened — seem asinine now. (In fact, I wasn't too keen on it 20 years ago either.)

I'll have plenty of time to reflect on what all this meant for me and my relationship with Bill in later entry introductions. I'll let you get up to date, below:

Jan. 5, 1985
12:02-1:31 p.m.

Welcome to the second volume of my life, soon to be put onto paper. Unfortunately, the first major thing (and I do mean major) I'm going to write about isn't pleasant nor easy to believe. I guess I'll just start at the beginning of the story, or at least where I come in.

Monday, the day before the new year, I went over to Marie's to spend New Year's Eve with her. I left somewhere around 4:20 Pm. We played pool and Atari, and the normal hack. I had supper there, too. Then her brother left to go to a party, and her parents left to a party, so Marie and myself had the house to ourselves. (Coincidence you ask?) We were downstairs watching T.V. and fooling around a little, when the phone rang. She answered it and it was a collect call from Bill. She accepted the call, and told me he wanted to talk to me, and sounded like he was going to cry. Marie and myself both thought it might be some sort of joke, with Bill pushing his acting skills to the max so he and whoever was with him could gat a big laugh when we fell for it. But I was by no means sure, so I took him seriously.

He told me that he was in jail, in fact a correction center: St. Evans Correctional Center. He told me the night before he had gotten "really drunk" and had smoked a joint with his brother. According to him, he was really tweeked out, and was hallucinating and the whole bit. He said he broke into an old lady's house to look for money, but saw her "lying there" and told her to take her cloths off; he had a knife. He said she grabbed for the knife, cutting her hand. He then asked her if she wanted him to leave; she said yes, so he did. Then at 5:00 the next morning the state police came and took him away. He confessed to it all.

At that time he contended that it was all due to the alcohol and drugs. That it "wasn't him that did it, but the alcohol." He was real upset, and was crying occasionally. The charges at that time were: breaking and entering, assault with a deadly weapon, sexual assault, attepted burgalary. His hearing was for Wednesday.

He wanted me to "tell the rest of the guys" what happened, and stressed that he "wasn't scum" and wanted me to relate that to the guys. He talked with me, and then with Marie, and then with me again. He told me that he had been drinking alone more and more often, and he thought he had a drinking problem. He wanted counseling and help for his problem. When we got off the phone with him, Marie and myself were both pretty upset, and still in disbelief. I think that everything he told me that night, I've now written down.

For a while we both sat around in disbelief, and we got into a small fight, which was brought on by the news, but about an unrelated subject: the attempted suicide of one of Marie's friends. She left the kitchen in a quasi-rage, and I just sat down on the floor. About five minutes later she came back, and said sorry, and that was that.

She called her mother at the restaurant, or wherever, and told her what was up. Then her brother came home at about 9:30 Pm, and he was put to bed.

After a while we began to accept what had happened, and began to be able to take it a little easier. The rest of the evening we spent watching T.V., eating hot fudge sundaes and making out. (That sentence seems strange, doesn't it?)

Then her parents came home at about 2:15 Am, and her mother talked over what we knew with us. She was concerned he was going to get a lawyer for his hearing. Mrs. R has a sister that works for the state on matters just like this one, so she was going to call her and find out. She seems to know quite a bit about the way the court runs and what have you. From that point on, she's taken an active interest in the ordeal. What she's done for Bill, and is continuing to do for him, I think is really admirable.

Anyway, the next day Mrs. R (Mom), Marie and myself decided to go and see Bill's parents to try and find out what's being done for him. They didn't say that much, and it was quite awkward.

The next day was his hearing. Bail was set for $1,000, raised from $500, both of which are low for the offenses he's up against. His charges were changed to: breaking and entering, attempted sexual assault and aggravated assault. He's being tried as an adult. (Bad news.)

By this time the news had hit the radio and papers. Nothing was mentioned in either that he was under the influence of drugs, which is what he led Marie and myself to think. Word got out in school, with as many rumors floating about as there are number of students. It wasn't an easy day, for Marie and myself and the rest of his friends. Ever since New Year's Eve, Bill has called me every day, from the center.

Thursday I went home on the bus, then took the car to go and have my wisdom teeth stitches out, and then to go back to school to talk with Jon Miller about my college plans. We also talked about a bit, since Jon was/is Bill's home room teacher. Then I found Marie and her mom in the student lounge. Mom said Bill's mother, Kathy, wanted to meet with Bill's closer friends to explain the whole situation. The time was set for 7:30 that night, at the Randall's. I called the guys, and all agreed to attend.

Before I go on, I forgot to mention a couple of things. The Randalls had offered to pay Bill's bail, and there even was talk of them taking Bill's custody, if his parents had decided not to take him back. The thought of Bill possibly moving in with Marie upset me to no end. Especially after him showing signs of strange behavior. But then I was told by Mom that they weren't a qualified foster home, and Mr. R wasn't sure if he wanted Bill there.

Anyway, we all showed up and had the meeting. She gave us a very detailed account of the crime. According to her, Bill had two glasses of wine, and smoked a joint before doing it. When he left the house, he was perfectly normal and rational, and when he came back he was the same. It appeared that he couldn't have been terribly drunk from two glasses of wine, and if he had really been freaked out by any drugs or anything, we wouldn't have been able to act so rationally before and after the crime. In the morning he talked with the police absolutely normally.

Kathy said they wanted Bill to undergo serious psychoanalysis, to determine if he has mental problems. It looks as if what he did wasn't caused by something he took, but caused by a serious mental problem. At this very moment, he should be being analyzed.

There was talk about whether or not he'd be let out on bail, and could return to school. Well, according to Kathy, it might be dangerous for him to go back home, since so many people are outraged by what he did. Of course, because of the seemingly unwarranted crime he committed, there's nothing to say that he won't do it again, as hard as that is to accept. Also, the curfew, or rather probation, that he'd have to stick to would be really difficult for a 17-year-old boy to deal with, as well as his parents. So it looks as if he won't be getting out of the center for a while.

I think I've related all of the facts, or what seems to be facts, now. Because I feel I know Bill well, I've got a couple of hypothesises about why what happened happened.

I've concluded, as I think most people who know the real situation have, that the attack wasn't caused by alcohol, but by a serious mental problem. Bill was adopted, and I learned Thursday night, that he had had another foster home before living with his parents now. In the first home he was abused, until the age of three. If his mental problems are related to his adoption, which he always has seemed obsessed by, perhaps the fact that he had moved to a different house the day that he committed the crime had something to do with it. They had just moved to a house not far from where they had lived before. But perhaps the change of enviroment, like the changing of homes when he was younger, made him crack.

Also, if he went out with the thought to break in and steal some money, why did he bring a long-bladed kitchen knife with him? Surely he didn't need something like that, even though he did use it to break the window to get in. He could have used a rock from the ground.

Also, if he had broke in with the intent to steal, and when he found the old lady (67 years old) in her bed, why didn't he run away? Instead he told he to take her clothes off. By the way, according to Kathy, he never touched the lady, never slashed with the knife. She grabbed it, which cut her hand. Also, foot prints matching Bill's boots were found going to several different doors around the neighborhood. Why did he pick a house of a lady, who lived right across the road from Bill's old house, and knew Bill? The lady's husband had died about a month before; I assume Bill knew this.

One final thing that seems to make me believe that this is pretty strange. When he went and did this, he wore his older brother's coat. His older brother has had a lot of problems, and is an alcoholic, too. The two coats are nothing alike, so that rules out picking up the wrong one.

I guess everything is pointing to the possibility that Bill has serious mental problems which invoked him to do this, and it was possibly premediated, and he possibly went there that night with the intent of rape. According to Bill, he thought he was reacting a scene in a movie he once saw.

I can't help but to think of all of the strange behavior I saw Bill exhibit. Back in 9th and 10th grade he was on an ego trip, because of the part he got in "The Wizard of Oz." A lot of times he'd get violent with his friends, but he'd act like he was just joking around. He said he did it to amuse the rest of us, while one of us would get beat on. But underlying the surface, it seemed like he was really serious, and was letting out some of his aggressiveness. Also, I've also felt that Bill does nearly everything he does for attention. Perhaps the fact that he didn't get the lead in the play this year, and didn't get the girl he wanted (in fact, Aaron's taken her out a few times, and she has a big crush on him) made him hunger for some attention. Well, he's certainly getting a lot now, isn't he?

The thing that I hear from everyone is that this doesn't sound like Bill. Those who don't really know him, think that he's never exhibited strange behavior of any sort. I feel like I should say they're wrong, but it's so hard to describe, the things I've known him to do.

Wow, I'm really sick of writing. I think I've covered nearly everything to do with Bill. I can't help but to think of the times I spent with him alone, and the times Marie was with him alone, and all of my friends. If he's really messed up in the mind, he could have harmed anyone of us. I have to admit that I'm a little scared of him now. I don't think I could ever allow myself to be alone with him again, nor would I allow any of my friends to be, especially Marie.

Marie and me are getting along well. This stressful situation is a strain, especially with her and her mother getting so involved, and me too for that matter, but I think we'll survive. I believe it was the night we learned about Bill, when I was leaving at her door she gave me a hug and told me she loved me. I told her the same.

Tonight there's a costume dance at school. Actually they're calling it a ball, and it seems like it's going to be a little more serious than a usual dance. I got a costume out of the prop room at school. It's the sick plaid jacket I wore for the Summer Drama Workshop in the "Ledger" scene, with matching Bermuda shorts, a different plaid shirt, and a sick wide white with light blue polka dots tie. ABSOLUTELY NAUSEATING! I'm supposed to go to Marie's at about 4:00 Pm and I'm going to have supper there, and go to the dance from there.

Aunt Jill and Uncle Dave are coming up this afternoon, too. They got a new car and wanted to try it out, so they're driving up this afternoon, and my parents are going out to dinner with them and some others.

Benji came up last night so I could tape some songs off an album for him. I did and also taped the entire album for myself. It's "Chameleon" by Maynard Ferguson. Three numbers we play in Jazz Band are on the album.

I guess that's about it for now. Will keep you informed on the situation with Bill, and all other pertentate info.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Confessions of a teen-aged schlock

I subtitled my 1984 diary "Confessions of a Teen-Aged Schlock." And though I ask the reader to decide for themselves at the end of this, the 72nd and final entry to my diary, it's really not the end at all.

In January 1985, I started another diary, which I kept for several months, until I found myself a freshman in college and without the gumption to keep writing.

So Real '80s Diary will continue after this final entry for 1984 — at least for several more months.

Sunday, Dec. 30, 1984
I thought I'd get in one more entry, before the new year comes around, and this diary is finished.

If I remember correctly, Monday I went over to Marie's and we snowmobiled. She drove, and it was really fun. Once we stopped and made-out on the snow machine which was, well, interesting. I came back home in time for supper.

Christmas was okay. Nana came up Christmas day with a friend, Levon. We opened our presents and all of the normal hack. Marie gave me the latest Devo album, a toy Porsche (I had asked for her Dad's Vette), and a little stuffed reindeer, that says Merry Christmas Deer on it, sort of an inside joke for us, since we call each other "dear."

The day after Christmas I went in to have my teeth pulled, wisdom teeth that is. I was quite nervous, but I don't think it showed all that much. I went in early in the morning. First they gave me laughing gas, before putting in the I.V. needle to sedate me. By the time the gas took effect, I was having a great time, and by the time they put the I.V. in, I feel asleep and slept though the entire operation. I guess I did communicate with the Dr., but for the most part I was out of it. I came home at noon, with my mother, to find my acception for Middletown in the mail. I called Marie, to let her know I survived, and that I was accepted. Then I went to bed, and slept 'till about 2:00 Pm. I got up and had something to eat, and then talked with Marie again. By then I had slept off my sedation, but for the most part, the rest of that day was pretty fuzzy.

The next day I felt fine and hadn't swollen-up at all. I went downtown with Marie, to pick-up a pair of headphones for my stereo. After that we came back here, and went into my room and listened to music and what have you.

Friday she came-up here in the middle of the afternoon, and we watched some MTV, and then went to my room. Dad came home a little early, at about 6:30 Pm, so he met her. Then her parents picked her up at about '7:30 Pm.

Yesterday Benji called and wanted to know if I wanted to go to see the basketball game at school with him and Aaron. I said I would, so his brother brought us there. We ended-up not ever sitting down in the gym to watch, but instead just hanging about school talking. Marie was there cheerleading, and she joined us after the JV game was over. We went down to ABEP for a while, and then came back to school. Evenetually the game was over, so we all left, with Aaron driving. When we got to my house, nobody was home, and Marie had invited me over to her house. So Aaron brought Marie and myself to her house.

We played pool (I won) and played some Atari, too. Then we had supper, and after that we went to her room and fooled around for a bit, and looked through last year's yearbook. At 9:00 Pm her mother brought me home.

We had planned on getting together at her house today, but her mother made her clean-up the house today, so we're planning on seeing each other tomorrow. This past week Marie was talking about how her family was talking about me at some get together. It was the first time that Marie acknowledged that she was going out with me, and later this past week, she said she had told her grandparents, when they inquired about my picture on her nightstand, that I was her boyfriend. It made me feel good.

I must have messed-up somewhere. Now I remember. After she came-up here after getting my headphones, Aaron called and wanted to know if I wanted to go and see a movie. Marie and myself had planned to go out to have something to eat, and since Aaron doesn't really know that Marie and me are going together, nor that she was there at my house, I didn't know what to say. Finally, I told him Marie was there, and then asked her if she'd like to go along with us, and she said yes. So we went to MacDonald's (not exactly the Ritz) to eat, since I had a ton of gift certificates to use, and then we met Aaron, Benji, Bill and Paul at the theater. Benji and Aaron wanted to see "Breakin' 2," as did Marie, but they wanted to see it to make fun of it, unlike Marie. So originally Bill, Paul, Aaron, Benji, Marie and myself all went to see that. The row got filled up, so Marie and myself sat across from the rest of the clowns. Then Paul and Bill left to see the other movie. After the movie, the Bozos went to meet the Lincoln Bozos, and Marie and myself went to her house.

We went downstairs and played with the computer a little, and went to her room, where we did what I've described vividly before. This time on her bed. After, I was about to leave, but she kept hanging onto me. About 40 minutes later, I was getting ready to leave, but we were just holding each other. I had been trying to make myself tell her that I think I love her all night, but just couldn't do it. Finally, it just slipped-out, so quickly that I didn't have time to stop myself. She paused a beat and said, "You know something? I think I do, too." Then she asked me what I was going to tell her the night she hung up on me on the telephone. I said I was going to tell her that I liked her a lot, but that wasn't what I wanted to tell her. She asked what I wanted to tell her. I told her, that I wanted to tell her that I thought I was in love with her. Then she said, "Well, I think I love you, too." It made my day.

Like I said before, most of the guys don't really know what's going on with Marie and myself, except Bill. But by now I'd assume that they've caught on, since now we do things like hold hands in front of them.

I really haven't had all that much homework this vacation. Mainly I've been working on reading two books. I've also got to finish blocking my one-act play. Now that my acception has arrived, I was going to start to call the radio stations to ask for a job this summer. I figure saying that I've been accepted into Middletown's School of Commanications will help.

I'm going to borrow some of Aaron's albums to make tapes for myself, but whenever I see him, he's forgotten. I also ordered an album from Columbia House, a free selection since my mother ordered one from the club for a gift. I got $40 for Christmas, but only have $12 left, after buying the headphones and taking Marie to the movies. Working on a limited budget is a real drag.

There seems like there are so many things I'd like to get done this vacation, but doing so many things with Marie makes it hard. It's not that I don't enjoy being with Marie, nothing could be more to the contrary. I also feel as if I'm abandoning my old friends. Just that I've been spneding so much time with Marie, doing things with the Bozos has taken a back seat. I remember the semi-resentment I felt toward Bill when he spent time with Molly last year, and I just hope that the guys don't feel that way toward me.

Like I said, I've got a few things I want to get done to day, since today I couldn't see Marie and had a day to myself. Therefore, I'm going to end this last entry.

I think I was right, when in my first entry I said, "I feel that right now I'm changing". I only didn't know how much I would change. Even now I look back through the diary and can see how much I've changed. From the totally ridiculous crush on Krissi, to something really meaningful with Marie. Through "Hocus Pocus," and meeting Marie, to meeting Julie, to the Summer Drama Workshop, to "South Pacific" to "Relative Values," and so on. There are just so many memorable experiences in these pages, that I'm really glad I decided to keep them on paper. I'm planning on starting another diary for the next year and probably another one after that.

Before I go, I've got a few things to stick-in. Enclosed are notes that Marie stuck to each one of my presents she gave me. By-the-way, she also gave me a stuffed animal, called a Gund the day after I had my teeth pulled. It's a little white animal, that terribly soft. She was given a pair of them, one large and one small. She gave me the small one.

Guess that's it, and I guess that question is now left up to the reader, am I a schlock?

Copyright © 1984 Cameron Frye
All rights, including but not limited to professional, amateur, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, and the rights of translation into foriegn languages, are strictly reserved. (Just joking.)